Columbia, SC – Teh State has learned of a public relations campaign to be launched by Governor Nikki Haley’s office. The campaign, tentatively titled “Name South Carolina’s Fury Road”, will be an open essay contest inviting South Carolina residents to nominate a stretch of road deemed to be the worst in the state. According to the Governor’s office, the campaign was born out of mounting complaints by residents regarding South Carolina’s perceived “rampant pothole problem”. The contest encourages residents to identify a state highway or road (five to twenty mile stretch) and explain why said road should be awarded the distinction. The winning essayist will be awarded a cash prize of 2.4 trillion dollars.
When asked why the office would award a cash prize instead of investing the money in state infrastructure, an unnamed representative from Governor Haley’s office responded, “That’s the kind of nonsense you would hear out of Bullet Town. That’s just throwing gasoline on a campfire. We’re trying to elevate South Carolina’s profile on a national scale, here.”
Teh State’s political correspondent further pressed the matter of repairing crumbling roads, and Governor Haley responded in a phone call, “I’m afraid you’re barking up the wrong tree. In all my years as South Carolina’s Governor, I’ve never – not once – had a corporation complain to me about the state of our roads.”
Essays can be submitted via the Governor’s website. Entries will be accepted May 1, 2016 through August 30, 2016.
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