Spartanburg, SC — Renowned foe of abortion rights, transgender bathrooms, trisomy mutants and the goldurn White House all lit up in them Abomination Colors Senator Lee Bright (R, Spartanburg) has lost his GOP primary runoff bid.
Speculation is running rampant that only divine intervention could have resulted in the defeat of an incumbent with such sterling family values credentials.
Area man Virgil Lee Davis, sopping up the runny yolks from his Grand Slam at the local Denny’s, speculated on the primary result. “I reckon that’s about the only idea that makes a lick o’sense. I mean good God, Lee raffled off an AR-15 to raise money. How pro-Christian can a body git?”
The Good Lord Above made no public comment about Bright’s defeat on his public Facebook page. However, after Teh State filed a FOIA request with The Man Upstairs, Intrepid Reporter received the following response by private message:
“SMITE.”
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