Dozens of Francis Marion graduates maimed following mortarboard decoration malfunction

The scene moments before the incident.The scene moments before the incident.

Florence– In what one observer called “the most grisly scene I ever seen in many a years,” dozens of graduates at Francis Marion University were maimed when a mortarboard decorated by De’Jussica Murdersnatch exploded under the weight of rhinestones, baubles, ribbons, and other stupid shit.

This story is still developing…

About the Author

Intrepid Reporter
I'm a reporter, and I'm intrepid. I like shrimp & grits, and all that is holy. Sometimes I like to cover myself in lard and roll around naked on my backyard lawn. This site is a parody of The State newspaper, which is a legitimate, good news source. You should read them, not us.

Be the first to comment on "Dozens of Francis Marion graduates maimed following mortarboard decoration malfunction"

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*