“An OK Day SC”: Governor Haley’s Post-Primary Blues

Columbia, SC — Despite personal intervention by the Governor and her political group, A Great Day SC, and relentless late campaign attack ads fueled by out-of-state donors, senators Hugh Leatherman (R-Florence) and Luke Rankin (R-Horry) survived their primary challenges on June 14.

A visibly agitated Haley, retreating to the Governor’s mansion, muttered, “It’s a great day my ass! Now my plans to guarantee school choice for the wealthy, borrow unsustainably to fix our crumbling roads and bridges, and suck up to for-profit health care will never see the light of day during my term.”

Haley directed her staff to rebrand her advocacy group as “An OK Day SC,” but redouble recruitment efforts with wealthy health care entrepreneurs.

The SC Club for Growth PAC’s relentless mailings and robocalls comparing Leatherman to Stalin, Hitler, and Pol Pot also failed to make purchase with a majority of Pee Dee voters.

“Ol’ Hugh’s pretty wily,” said Florence voter Buford Sexton. “Wile E. like a coyote! I seen the Guvnor over here a-runnin’ around town, tellin’ us how to vote. I guess we done showed her! How do you like all them new campaign bucks down there, rathole?” Sexton laughed, gazing into a hole in the ground.

Chronically underfunded regions of the state like the Pee Dee are now likely to continue seeing improvements for all citizens after the the plan to cut more taxes and strangle government in a bathtub was thwarted.

After a previous Florence campaign stop to oust Leatherman, Haley vowed to cut the SC gas tax even further. “There’s no better time to cut taxes than now, with gas prices through the basement,” the Governor said as her car peeled out for Columbia, her driver dodging potholes like a gymkhana ninja.