South Carolina to implement Manservant Tax Exemption

Columbia, SC. The South Carolina legislature enthusiastically voted in favor of Nikki Haley’s plan to eliminate all state income taxes for those residents who employ 2 or more servants in their homes.

“This will have a great positive impact of our state’s economy,”  Haley said. She continued to explain that, “we have innovative ideas like the Manservant Tax Exemption to thank for our top-notch state roads and infrastructure and over-acheiving schools. You can’t have those kinds of successes without thinking outside the box a little bit.” When asked about the state’s low school ranking of 45th in the country, she reacted with surprise, “What? You think that’s bad? Do you know how many schools there actually are in this country- -thousands and thousands- -and ours are 45th? Well, I think that’s fantastic!”

Haley went on to explain the inspiration for her unprecedented idea. “You see, it was the end of a long week, and I was getting ready to pay my own servants. There’s my grounds keeper, my nutritionist and my chef who are always fighting, my yoga instructor, my personal trainer, my manicurist, my pedicurist, my hairstylist, my car washer, my personal shopper, my dog walker, my housekeeper, my dialect coach, my fashion consultant, and my food taster. I had just gotten done writing 15 SC government checks to these people totaling $18.75 and thought that this is just madness, and it must end. Simple taxpayers like us need some help. The cost of living has just gone through the roof, and those of us with a fleet of servants are really suffering. There just has to be something we can do to help those of us who have the moral and civic fortitude to pay others to do things we could do ourselves but feel are beneath us.”

Lieutenant Governor Henry McMaster was all smiles as the plan was inked into law. “This is a great day for South Carolina. I sincerely hope this paves the way for rest of the country to do what’s right. They talk about that, what’s it called, trickle-on economics? Well, this will be a lot more than that. With all this extra cash in decent folk’s pockets, them poor ones won’t just be trickled on, but dumped on. I’m a proud South Carolinian today.”

TehState’s own Intrepid Reporter asked Haley about the name of the law; specifically, since all servants qualify- -man, woman, child, why was the bill called the Manservant Tax Exemption? Haley, grinning ear to ear, replied, “I just like how it sounds. Don’t you?”